I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
