so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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