Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
