cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
