That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
