I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
