Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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