I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i think i have herpe
just one?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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