Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
