I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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