Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
