I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
