Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
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