I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
two words: eviction party
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
