3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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