We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
