Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
