i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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