I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
