At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
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