I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
