Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Drake has all the answers
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
