'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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