Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
