On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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