I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
