Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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