Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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