last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
