I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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