drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
We were destined to go to rehab together
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
