I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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