Buhtt sex?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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