Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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