i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
