maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
