No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
