ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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