careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
lol hangovers are for mortals.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
