Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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