Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
