I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
