sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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