you guys were way drunker than both of me
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
