Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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