Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
