That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
This is my gift to your gina
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
