I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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