Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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