Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
