Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
